If you’ve been alive for the past few days, you probably know that Winter Storm Juno ripped through the Northeast last night and dumped feet upon feet of snow on millions of people who probably won’t be able to leave their houses for a week.
If you’re one of the people affected by the storm, you might have noticed that there’s a small problem with the previous sentence — namely, it’s 100 percent false.
Weathermen might have spent the last few days warning us of our impending doom and urging us to make our peace with all the gods, but it seems like they might have gotten a little too worked up for everyone’s own good (a sentiment that at least a few weathermen have agreed with).
I don’t want to imply that all weathermen are stupid or suggest they only forecasted a Snow Apocalypse to drum up ratings and page views — I’ll let the rest of the Internet do that for me.
Meteorologists might be an easy target, but that doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to fire a few shots their way (to be clear, I’m talking about verbal jabs, not bullets).
This is the real conspiracy.
I’m like 99.99% sure that weathermen and grocery stores have a thing going. “Oh its gonna snow two feet go stock up on food”-snows 2 inches
— Jacob Grande (@grande_jacob) January 27, 2015
“BEST BLIZZARD EVER DROPPING SOON.” [Insert air horn here.]
Meterologist are probably the best hype man out there
— 2 girls 1 Spence™ (@25scwickert) January 27, 2015
It’s the only reasonable punishment.
Weathermen should be forced to MAKE all the extra snow they predicted would come.
— Drew Magary (@drewmagary) January 27, 2015
There’s still some hope left!
According to latest weather models, NYC weathermen are now predicting 54 wins for the Knicks this season… #blizzardof2015
— Tommy Beer (@TommyBeer) January 27, 2015
This might be less reasonable, but I can’t say I wouldn’t endorse it.
If the Blizzard Of The Eon ends up being a bust, I fully endorse putting every meteorologist in the stocks and throwing tomatoes at them
— Connor Toole (@CTooleSaysStuff) January 27, 2015
True heartbreak is waking up on a snow day and finding out there isn’t one.
How do meteorologists sleep at night knowing they break countless children’s hearts everyday
— Jonah Eastman (@JoeNah_) January 27, 2015
You can only be lied to so many times.
meteorologists are the reason I have trust issues
— february 9th (@annirebekah) January 27, 2015
I wonder how long they spent tunneling out of their house to take this picture.
— Michelle Florich (@shelloloh) January 27, 2015
“It’s like literally going to be the worst storm ever. Jk lol.”
— Natalie Helen (@NattyIce816) January 26, 2015
Can’t argue with this logic (just kidding, you totally can).
If meteorologists can’t predict a storm a single day out, why should we believe they have a comprehensive understanding of ‘climate change’?
— Joseph Curl (@josephcurl) January 27, 2015
Doppler has nothing on shadow technology.
I trust Punxsatawney Phil more than weathermen.
— Dana O’Neil (@ESPNDanaOneil) January 27, 2015
It’s very similar to how The Fed decides which companies to bail out.
I swear meteorologists just spin the wheel of fortune to decide the outcome of storms. Stops on red: 1-3 inches. Stops on blue: 20 inches!
— Sey (@spiceNsports) January 27, 2015
A fitting end.
When I die I want all the local weathermen to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time
— Josh Willey (@J_willeykers) January 27, 2015
All you have to do to make billions of dollars is the opposite of whatever they suggest.
Wall Street firms race to hire soon to be unemployed meteorologists for their Chief Economist roles.
— Joe Saluzzi (@JoeSaluzzi) January 27, 2015
Ignorance is bliss.
I’m just gonna pretend we got two feet of snow and that meteorologists aren’t complete tools, it’s much cozier that way
— Brooke McIntire (@imnotbrooke) January 27, 2015